Good BDSM places for Women in SL

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I’v been compiling a list of SL lesbian D/s clubs since people inworld often ask me for new locations or locations I would recommend. I have a list of over sixty clubs and I realized that this was going to be a very long post (and didn’t want to break it up), so what I’ll do instead is give you what I believe are the most promising places in SL for lesbian BDSM. Notice that I am saying lesbian so any places that allow men or are not lesbian BDSM are not included. Even though the list is written by me, I also interviewed 15 Dommes and 15 subs to find their tastes. At the end of the day it is my list. Good luck visiting these places.

A technical note, traffic according to Linden Labs means this: “Traffic will be the cumulative minutes spent on the parcel by all visitors to the parcel within the previous day.”

#1 The Secret House (SLURL)

With an average traffic of over 21,000 avatar minutes per day, it is a very popular place.

It advertises itself as an old/young and D/s club, and it has a dungeon, some private areas (most within hearing range of the main floor), and an open floor plan without much clutter. The club itself is cozy enough in the main floor, and each area is well separated.

Dommes and subs frequent the place with a Domme to sub ratio of about 1:8 (not unusual in these type of places). It is well visited throughout the day as many Europeans visit the place (German and French), and of course a heavy U.S. presence.

I ranked them #1 because it is not an on your face BDSM or D/s place. People understand what it is and connections are made easily amongst the visitors. Music is appropriate and most people express that it is very much drama free as things don’t often spill into public chat. It is women only and well managed with availability of staff when problems occur.

The club itself is cozy enough in the main floor, and each area is well separated.

So for meeting others people with varied interests it is a great place in SL

#2 Amelie’s Garden and Dungeon (SLURL)

The average traffic per day is around 9100 avatar minutes per day.  The D/s ratio is about 1:4 but this is deceiving as many Domes bring their subs there.

The place is clearly a D/s lesbian place, it is very expansive, but it has an incredible range of activities all of them very well built with attention to all the details.  Places to visit inside Amelie’s include: The Old House, the Ruins (medieval castle), the Forgotten Cells (medieval prison), a Pony Track and Barn, the Mansion (where most people gather), a Pool, Maid Quarters, a Wine Cellar, Basements, Catacombs, a Crypt, a Space Ship, The Bunker Club, and a few others.  Music is appropriate for the setting.

As it can be seen, there is a lot to do and find at Amelie’s. I like this place because it is a great place to bring a newly discovered sub to test out her will and disposition and help you make up your mind about her.  You can landmark individual spots and return to them, and also just about all the BDSM equipment you will need. It is a fantastic place and I normally donate in their box as appreciation to the level of detail you find there.

Why not #1? Because is not really a place to come and meet people. It can happen, but most avs are spread across the large SIM area and not gathered in one place.  You need to seek them out and most of the time they are already paired up and using the place as it was intended.  Sometimes you do find a gathering outside the mansion area.

It is women only, but I’m not sure that if a man shows up, there will be someone to take care of him promptly.

If you go there use the SLURL above and when you land in the main entrance area, click on the Amelie’s logo for a notecard that will give you the landmarks to each specific spot. That is a nice feature. Of  course, you can always explore the whole place.

#3 The Lesbian Society (SLURL)

The average traffic per day is around 4500 avatar minutes per day.  The D/s ratio is about 3:4. It is the place with most Dommes gathering together (that I’ve seen).

The place is set in a very large castle and it definitely has the right atmosphere. I ranked them #3 because the owner (Mistress Victoria), hangs around the place, engages people with chat and before you know it you get a large gathering of people going. They also have weekly meet and greets that are very popular. For a place that hasn’t been around very long (six months or so), it has a good number of people in the group (over 300 already) and a good following.

The downside of this place is that it is still gaining traction with people so sometimes you will arrive and no one is there. My advice, wait a few minutes and see what happens.

Another downside is that in the past SIM restarts would plague the location. The restarts would be 15 seconds and most would be kicked before the chance to TP out. The owner has assured me that this is now fixed and the restarts are only on the early hours on Tuesdays (midnight to 3:00 am).

I highly recommend this place since the atmosphere and the dynamics with the owner make it very interesting.

#4 Venustus (SLURL)

The average traffic per day is around 7800 avatar minutes per day.  The D/s ratio is about 1:10.

Even though this is just typical SL club (DJ, dancing, surrounding mall, dance poles, etc…..) it is a good place to find people interested in the lifestyle. Plenty of traffic keeps the people coming in and there is plenty of themes, conversation,  a trivia ball.

A good place to meet people in a more commercial environment.

What the place lacks is the atmosphere of BDSM and the intimacy of close connections to be made and then go to a place inside to enjoy.

Now please remember that these are MY OPINION only. Open to comments of course.


BDSM Training in SL

I recently ran into a Mistress that offers D/s, BDSM training and the conversation took me back to a few encounters with submissives about training, experience, and how does that play into the BDSM and D/s area.

Let’s start by looking at a person that is brand new to SL (or recently new), and also new to the world of D/s and BDSM. What kind of training do they need? Ask 100 Mistresses and you will hear 100 different answers.

Some take the approach that they need to taught a series of protocols and rules to follow. For example: When you write the word you, it must be capitalized, when you see me come into SL you must drop everything you are doing and come to me (or through RLV they just get TP’d to the Mistress without warning), dress code, etc….

Some are more informal and let the rules and protocols develop as the new person is trying to deal both with SL and the pressures of pleasing a new Mistress.

In either of those two scenarios, there is an incredible amount of pressure on the sub to perform while trying to learn SL (remember when you lost your hair? or worse, couldn’t get it on?), and at the same time experiencing the feelings that come along when pleasing someone.

Of course there are other submissives that have been in SL for several years, and when talking to them they want you (the Mistress) to teach them properly. I nod my head politely and then ask “tell me what you know and your experience” and I would say that over ninety percent get offended and most of the time is because they think I don’t know what I’m doing because I’m asking for feedback from them. After all, “The Mistress should control everything, and something as basic as training should be obvious.” I often tell them that I’m not a mind reader and don’t really want to start training them from the basics because they will be bored immediately.

In order for me to understand their level of experience I ask some key questions:

– Do you use #RLV folders? Do you know what they are?

– Show me your basic BDSM equipment or tell me what you have and who is the maker. I need to know if I can work it ahead of time

– Tell me about the best day you spent with a previous Mistress, with all the details.

Maybe a couple of more questions but you get the idea.

You will be surprised how many “subs” walk away from these types of questions. I’ve come to realize that it is a good way to filter them out as well.

Mistress Victoria (Guadalupe Ansar) runs an academy for Dommes and subs alike and she advocates for some basic training for new subs and new Dommes so at least the basics of D/s and BDSM are discussed. Her training is non-sexual (which turns some people off from going) and includes topics like: understanding domme and submissive feelings; nurturing a long term relationship in SL; use of RLV; aftercare, and many more.

She is not the only one that does training, but she is the only one that specializes in lesbian dominance and fetishes, and runs the training without compensation of any kind.

I’ve often sent her new subs and they all have thank me for that effort. Of course, I could train them myself but the question is their willingness to be trained and be guided with all the time zone and RL issues that get in the way in SL.

Finally, my last thought is about the avs that use the word training when in reality they are thinking of a scenario to play out. “I need to know how to please you Mistress.” Of course to them this is part of the game and they are not really looking for training but for a role play in which they appear to be learning. Good luck trying to figure out what is it that they want from you in that case. This is another case of topping from the bottom (see previous post on the topic).