A Series Concerning Submissiveness – Part 2

Part 2 – Why does someone wants to be submissive?

Because is erotic

When someone submits emotionally and physically, their sexuality is affected in a very intense and emotionally fulfilling experience. Women that have submitted to me or others have expressed that the physical act coupled with the mental part is often the most sexually intense and emotionally fulfilling experience in their lives.

But there is an issue with this. As is often the case, many feel afraid of the intensity of their sexual energy.   They fear that if they reveal the full extent of their sexual excitement at being a submissive they will not be understood.   Often, the smallest of looks or commands will leave them drenched with sexual excitement.   A good Mistress will enjoy the pleasure that this excitement bring as she extracts each nuance of sexual pleasure from her.

How do you do that in SL? Good conversation and emoting. You need not be a para-rp person to get that fulfillment. If you remember my previous posts role playing is just that, a real relationship is not role playing. Both parties feel it. The submissive must also know that her Mistress gets as much pleasure out of this as she does.

When she gives herself to you completely, she is also giving you the freedom to explore the depths of her sexuality and passion. She expects and trusts that you will take her places she cannot go herself, to have experiences she probably cannot ask for.   She is depending on the Mistress to give her the push to get beyond any resistance she may offer. Of course it must always be safe, sane, and consensual.

Getting past resistance is where your strength and understanding as a Mistress is essential.   If you back off instead of encouraging her onward (by spank or by praise) she will not be able to explore the depths of herself.   She needs your unconditional love and support to feel safe to go where she cannot go alone.   As you sexually open her body to you, you are also opening her heart and soul.

Being with a Mistress that understands the sexuality of the situation is an extremely liberating experience for her, and allows for more and more exploration over time.  As time goes by, she will have a strong desire to reveal herself as she truly is as you help her by removing any sexual barriers built from her early years.   Even if she cannot ask, it is important to understand that the sub *wants* to overcome her resistance as much as the Mistress wants her to.

As your relationship grows and she becomes more comfortable and trusting in her knowledge that you understand her feelings, she will find it easier to admit certain sexual desires to you.   From time to time, have her tell you a “secret” fantasy of hers, or give her the assignment of writing you a short fantasy.   It’s often easier to put something in writing than to have to say it verbally.

Another way you can free her sexuality is to have her admit to you how exciting a certain activity is for her.   If you are giving her an erotic spanking, have her tell you how much she loves it.   “Begging” can also be a way to encourage her to express herself.   For example, if you suspect she enjoys anal play more than she can admit, hold the bottom plug against her opening but don’t insert it until she “begs” you to have it slipped inside her.   In this way you are “forcing” her to make an admission she probably wants to make, but is too embarrassed to share with you on her own.

More to come in part 3 ……..

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A Series Concerning Submissiveness – Part 1

I’ll start the new year (I know is February already) with a series of posts (four parts I think), that will highlight the concept of submissiveness and how it relates to SL.

Part 1 – Why does someone want to be a submissive?

Because it is important to them

In my many dealing with submissive women, a common theme of every encounter is that a person that is willing to engage with a Mistress is doing it because submission is very important to that person. A true submissive attaches a value to being owned, or to be serving someone. Since in second life is normally not a physical connection, then the emotional connection becomes even more meaningful. This emotional connection (in both RL and SL) is very deep in a true submissive and they feel it to their very soul. Because of this deep connection a true D/s relationship is not a game to a true submissive.   That is the reason many SL D/s relations end so quickly, is a game for one of them and trivializes the real emotions that can be felt.

Because they want to be taken care of

A submissive woman wants someone strong to protect and watch over her.   I often hear this when I ask that direct question about the reason they want to submit to me. Of course one has to be careful about being topped from the bottom in that situation. A submissive wants to be able to relax in the safety of her Mistress and the environment she creates for her.

Part of her feeling of being taken care of by you is knowing that she has certain rules and limits for herself.   If she disobeys them, she expects to be disciplined.   When you are correcting her behavior by a punishment of some kind, several things are happening.   The first is that you care enough for her to correct her.   It is proof to her that she has your attention and you are watching over her, making sure she does what is best for herself.

If it was a task or command of your own that she disobeyed, then your punishment leaves no doubt in her mind that she must obey you and that allows her to feel secure in her submission to you.   If you set rules for her then never check to see they are followed, your message to her is that she is not worth the effort it takes to see that she has obeyed.   You are unconsciously saying she does not deserve your attention.   This lack of attention will lead to her disappearance as it is a critical part of submissiveness.

The best way to deal with this part (the rules), is to make it somewhat of a formal and clear process. As the Mistress, you want your rules obeyed and she wants to obey them and be recognized for her desire to please you.   If she “overlooks” a rule it is often a test to see if you care enough to catch it, and for you it is an opportunity to show her that she will not be allowed to get away with anything.   The stricter you are in supervising her, the more she will feel your attention and the happier she will be. Believe it or not.

More to come in part 2 ……..