The importance of Ritual in Creating a Submissive State of Mind
A submissive state of mind is very much an altered state of awareness. How do you know that in SL when all you see is words? It is very difficult to know if you are actively controlling her but you may see a change in the words, or a pause after giving her some command or an action. Traditionally the more a person enters a submissive state of mind the more quiet they become so must be aware of this while you are interacting through an IM. This state of deep submission is sometimes refereed to as subspace. It is often a dramatic transformation and one that at times may leave her very non-verbal.
To be honest with you I’m not sure if anyone can enter subspace through second life interactions. Some subs have told me that they did, but I thought maybe they were telling me this because it was what I wanted to hear. In either case, subspace is *the* place where she wants to be and the deeper you can take her, the more intense everything becomes for her. You can make it easier for her to go into subspace by the use of ritual. Keeping a certain formality and pattern when leading her into a scene makes it easy for her to recall past events and more easily slip back into a previous deep submissive state.
Building her anticipation for an event is a wonderful way to give her time to get into her submissive head space. It let’s her imagination come into play and builds up her sexual arousal as she tries to envision what you have in mind for her. Try telling her firmly to be at a certain place and time without saying why. In the meantime, she can indulge in her submissive feelings by wondering what she may or may not have done and she’ll be imagining herself being subjected to all kinds of marvelous things. Or, in great detail tell her *exactly* what will happen to her at a point in the near future then forbid her to mention it. See how this works?
There are an almost infinite number of ways to make her feel submissive. Position and symbology play a great part. Perhaps the most effective is to place her in a collar. A collar is a very powerful symbol of ownership, love and commitment and should be treated with great respect. When she wears your collar she is telling you that she is yours completely and will try as hard as she can to please you in whatever you may ask of her. It will always be in her mind that she wears her collar for *you*.
Of course in SL collars are a dime a dozen and people offer them or take them without much thought. I can’t emphasize the following point enough. In SL the sub should be made to offer you her collar, give yourself to you. Tell her that from the beginning “if you want to be mine, you will have to give me your collar on your own.” If they try to give it to you right away don’t take it, make them think about it for a while, if they run away then you know they are just game playing and not really true submissives that think you will be a good Mistress for them.
Having her assume certain standard slave positions is a way to both signal her that you are now moving into a more formal role with each other and also allow her to return to quickly enter a submissive state of mind.
I like to enhance her state of submission by using the ritual that they must wear something in RL while we are chatting in SL. This could be a ring, a necklace, a t-shirt, etc… She must have it on during our interaction in SL to remind her of the collar and that in fact she is mine. I also tell them my favorite perfume and insist that they buy it and wear some while we are interacting so she can feel like I am next to her. Doing this will make her more pliable and it will be easier for her to be transported back into the depths that she had reached during your previous scenes.
Attention to Detail
Your attention to detail is important. You know what you want her to do and it’s important that you communicate that clearly to her. Beyond that, it has several other purposes. Not only does it focus her attention on you, but it lets her every day thoughts and stresses in her life fall away, and this is a wonderful escape for her. As her Mistress, you want to give her tasks that draw out her submission and if she does allow herself to be distracted, her attention needs to be brought back to you with a few quick swats. This also allows her to feel that she has *your* attention as much as she has yours.
Limits and Rules
A submissive woman often craves more “structure” in her life and there can be many reasons for this. By giving your sub very clear limits and rules on her behavior, you are now creating an environment for her where she can relax and be secure in the knowledge of what is expected of her and how she can best please you.
Setting rules and limits for your submissive is extremely important for it is within these boundaries she feels most cared for. As part of her feeling secure within the relationship, she needs — even unconsciously — to test her limits. This is an extremely important point. If she breaks a rule and you let it slide without bringing it to her attention, you are not allowing her to feel safe within your care. She can’t feel safe within your limits, if the limits are not there or are vague. This testing process is something that never really stops though at first she will feel the need to test you often until she learns that you will follow through. The sooner you do that, the quicker she will feel the reality of your concern for her.
A submissive woman *wants* a strong Mistress, one who sets guidelines on her behavior that are for her own good and then who has the strength and authority to be sure they are followed. It’s almost impossible for me to emphasize how important a point this is. The most common and biggest complaint I am told by submissive women is that their Mistresses are not “strict” enough. Inconsistency on your part is see by her as a sign of weakness, and she cannot feel submissive to a weak woman.
Remember that her greatest desire is to feel that she has lost control to you and must do as she is told. If she does not do exactly as instructed she wants to know there will be a consequence, for if there is not, she will not feel your control of her is real. If you let her down by allowing her to get away with breaking her rules, she will feel that your control over her is not real. It’s like saying you don’t care for her enough to watch over her and she will feel a very definite lack of attention from you.