After meeting yet another “topping from the bottom” submissive, I’ve come to the conclusion that the main characteristics a submissive should display to see if she fits me, is her desire to service my needs and happiness. Let me explain.
In the “topping from the bottom” case, you get a relationship in which the Dominant is focused on controlling the submissive.
In this case the submissive wants a woman who is stern and focused on correcting their mistakes in a harsh way, punishing them and emotionally abusing them. They crave rejection. They want to be controlled. They want to feel fear of the woman they are with. They are usually masochists; people who enjoy pain.
If you meet a woman who openly expresses her desires to submit, ask her what kind of relationship she wants and pay attention to her response. If she uses the words ‘authority’ or ‘control’ it is likely that she desires a relationship that is centered around her.
In this kind of relationship, you wind up constantly paying attention to her, nagging her and punishing her. Your free time is spent thinking of ways to keep her entertained. I’ve asked several submissives what caused their breakup with their last Dominant and a lot of them mentioned their dissatisfaction because they want their Dominants to do more for them, punish them more, tease them more and deny them sexual pleasures, want them to come into SL every time the submissive is in SL, etc. See? Notice that the answers are all about the submissive and not about the Dominant. It’s all about them.
This is the wrong focus (at least for me). Her focus should be all about the Dominant, and not about the Dominant satisfying their desires. It isn’t surprising that many of the Dominants that tolerate or like this behavior eventually end up in their knees as submissives looking for the same thing. I’ve seen this in SL more than I care to recount.
The submissives that expressed complete satisfaction were the ones who focused on the Dominant’s happiness. Her happiness fuels the submissive’s happiness instead of her punishments and control fueling the submissive’s happiness.
So what should it be like?
It should be about a relationship that empowers the Dominant. You should be looking for a submissive that makes your happiness a priority in her life. That is true submission.
If you need help, she helps. When you need love, she offers it. She is always thinking of ways to please you. No dream you could desire is out of her reach, or she will at least try to make it happen in some shape or form. The submissive is delighted to see you achieve even more than she could ever achieve. She won’t complain that you are not ‘dominating’ her enough or meeting her needs. Her needs consist of one thing: ensuring that you are well taken care of and happy.
How can you tell that the submissive wants this type of relationship? Easy. If you express a need, she does not hesitate to secure it. She always says YES to you when you want something done. She doesn’t tell you no when you express that something is important to you. She asks you for your opinion on decisions because she wants to be sure that you are satisfied first.