A Series Concerning Submissiveness – Part 4

Part 4 – Pleasing and Controlling

She wants to please

If there is one single-most favorite phrase a submissive woman wants to hear, it is “Good Girl”. She wants and needs to have her efforts to please you acknowledged.   Some new Mistresses fail to understand that a sub pleasing her Mistress is one of the greatest pleasures in her life.   It is an emotional fulfillment so deep that it goes far beyond any sexual expression.   By giving her your praise as frequently as possible you are confirming that you recognize and appreciate her for who she is and for the love she has to give you.

Controlling is a must

You must take the initiative with her.   If she has to “ask” you to control her, it once again puts her in charge and does not allow her to feel submissive.   As a Mistress, you get to indulge yourself in what *you* want! Give yourself permission to act on your whim of the moment.   Believe me, to a sub, this is when it all becomes very real and meaningful to her.   There will be no doubt in her mind that you want her for *yourself* and whether or not she enjoys it is secondary.   Only in this way can she feel that she truly belongs to you and is there to serve you.   If you are going to experiment in taking charge, err on the side of being more controlling than less.   I can’t tell you how many women I’ve heard complain that their Mistress doesn’t give them the control and supervision they crave.   Remember, your control is a demonstration of taking care of her and your discipline is proof that you are paying attention and will insist she does what is best for herself.

How to make her feel Owned

The feeling of being owned is one of the most secure and desired feelings a sub can have.   She wants to be reminded at all times that you are in control of her and that she is safe and watched over under your command.   She *wants* you to be strong for her, so she can grow under your care and guidance.   Think for a moment of the potential your relationship with a woman who loves and trusts you so much that she wants to be *owned* by you…   What closer bond can you have?

There are many ways to make her feel that she belongs to you and I will share with you some of my favorites.   Ask her often, “Who do you belong to?”   Not only does this strengthen the depth of your relationship but many women have told me it is very erotic for them to be told to touch and name different parts of their body and then tell you it belongs to you.

Here’s a quote that will make this clearer:   “Personally I *love* it when various parts of my anatomy are called upon.   For example, during a spanking, I like to be reminded that this is Mistress’ bottom and she can do as he wishes with it.”

How you address each other can also be confirmation of your roles.   For example, calling her by a pet name can indicate your position of authority while requiring her refer to you with some title of respect such as Miss or Mistress further emphasizes her submission.   Being “owned” is a total experience.   It means she is subject to your whims at any time and no reason is necessary beyond the fact it is something you want.   For her, there is great excitement and anticipation in being used for your pleasure and never knowing what your next command or task may be.   She may be fully clothed and busy one moment and naked and kneeling before you the next….

Does this require a complex set of equipment and gadgets in SL? It does not. A simple collar is sufficient to create control and if I had one piece of equipment that I had to have it would be a Dutchie Femdom chair (the new version 2.0). As you grow in your relationship then other equipment can be brought into play.

One area which I feel strongly about is the use of #RLV folders. If you use them then you can force her to change her appearance to something you want without waiting for her to change. This type of control plays very big in her mind as no choice is available to her in terms of clothing. Of course one of the folders needs to be a nude folder.

A Series Concerning Submissiveness – Part 3

Part 3 – What is happening when someone submits?

All pretenses are stripped away

When the relationship starts, and the submissive offers herself to you then you will experience that the person will be free to be who they really are inside. The little secrets that she carries inside her about her true desires start to come out. This sometimes comes out as an explosion of feelings and expressions when she becomes convinced that you care about her even though she carries these secrets, she becomes her true self.

It is normally a balance between two lives

Submission allows her to escape from herself and her every day life. During the day different aspects of our personality come into the forefront as we move from one role to another.   For example, there may be a big difference in one’s personality at work as compared to home.   Keeping up these roles requires a large amount of psychic energy which over time can become exhausted.

At work, your sub may be very powerful and dominant and carrying a great deal of responsibility.   Being a mother at home is tremendously demanding and requires a great deal of energy in caring for and supervising the children.   If she has spent her day instructing and inspecting others, she may crave the transition from that position of authority to one of servitude.   When she can become your sub, she gets a relaxing respite from the stresses of her life.   She can renew herself by once again becoming a little girl who is loved and looked after.   Instead of having to cope with the stress of making decisions she can surrender to you and do exactly as she is told knowing she is safe in your care. It then becomes a balancing of energy by experiencing the opposite role.

As her Mistress, you will do everything in your power to enable your sub to be who she really is, and is normally a woman full of love and sensuality and passion and who wants nothing more than to be free and safe enough to show you the full extent of it.

If she submits, then you must take charge

One thing of PARAMOUNT importance is that your sub feels that she is truly being controlled and is acting on *your* commands, and is subject to *your* whims.   If she feels your actions are for her alone, she will feel in control of the situation and this is exactly what she does NOT want to feel.   In order for her to be submissive, YOU must be in charge of her in a very real and definite way. Here is where the difference between role playing in SL and actual control and feelings is critical.

It is very confusing for her if your control is just within the context of a scene and does not carry over into the rest of your relationship.   It will help if you think of your control as being an integral part of your relationship rather than an “imposition” on her.   The more you see her enthusiasm and gratitude in response to your actions, the easier it will become for you.

Never forget that her desire to please her Mistress is an essential element of her submission.   Though you both know she loves to have the experiences you are giving her, she MUST feel that it’s for your pleasure equally, if not more than her own.   Being submissive is her gift to you, a way of pleasing you as completely as possible.   If she thinks your control of her is only for *her*, it just doesn’t work.   She wants to be yours, to feel she has no choice in what she is subjected to and this REALITY regarding her submission is tremendously thrilling for her.

To this end, you MUST keep a home in SL. Drifting around clubs, dungeons, public places to live your relationship cheapens it and your sub doesn’t have any stability in terms of serving you as it all becomes a public display or just one scene after another with no sense of relationship. This may work for a while but believe me when I say that is gnawing at your subs mind every day.