Why not more munches

I just left a munch at the lesbian society and it was excellent. As always, the owner (Victoria) kept the conversation relevant and on topic. When I got to my house I started thinking of how rare is to find a munch in SL, and that SL is the perfect place to have them.

Of course by now you may be asking “What the hell is a munch.” Traditionally a munch is a practice in the BDSM community where a group of lifestylers meet up in a restaurant for a casual meal and conversation about BDSM. Munches are low-key occasions: no collars and leashes, and no big kinky attitude. You’re expected to wear street clothes and behave yourself. They’re also an acknowledged entry point for new folks.

Why not many more of these in SL? It seems to me that is the perfect way to meet people in SL. I have seen a few problems when the munch is held in a place where avs come and go. Some think it is a time to pick up a Mistress or a sub and interrupt. Even though a notecard is given on arrival, many don’t read it.

Of course there is your occasional griefer, and your occasional video game player that wants to interrupt, but in general they are very positive and everyone has a good time and gets to know more about the lifestyle.

Any thoughts out there?

By the way, if you think you want to join the BDSM lifestyle in RL, do a search for a munch near your city. You will be surprised.

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Full Disclosure Please

As always, in a long chat with my friends we started talking about something that has happened to all of us at least once (to me many more times than that), and that is the lack of full disclosure from the sub about who they are in real life and what they really want.

So far, we’ve seen three scenarios play out:

Domme that wants to be sub but not a switch – In this scenario you are approached by a fellow “Domme” and she compliments you on your looks, profile, etc. Then you get to talk about subs and how she is so experienced with them, has a couple and somehow the conversation starts turning into how she doesn’t mind giving up control to another Domme so both can “play” together. Or words to that effect. Talk about topping from the bottom. If they are really submissive then act like it right away and don’t try to fool anyone. I lose all respect for you if you approach me this way. What other tricks will you try to play.

Sub that wants to be your sub so she can Domme you later on –  I can spot these type very quickly, as their questions, profile, look, and overall demeanor don’t show any submissive traits. At  least with this type I don’t waste very much time.

Gender switching – We’ve all been there when after two months of cultivating a sub, developing a good relationship, starting to develop trust, and everything going well, he/she drops the bomb. “err…. Mistress I have something important to tell you” … Yes?  “In RL I am a boy (or girl if it is a man). We all agreed that this is the biggest turn off and disappointment that we experience. Hey most of us will Domme a man even though we prefer women. I will even go as far to say that I don’t mind feminizing a guy over a period of time, but in either case, they really need to disclose who they are when the question is asked.

In a previous post I did talk of how I ask early on, but even though most disclose, the few that don’t always seem to disclose at the moment the relationship is about to go to a higher plane. Why then? Probably because they have been feeling guilty all along.

In our discussion about one-third of the Mistresses said that they would forgive them and keep on going, but the remaining two-thirds would not. I am in the latter group, and to me lack of full disclosure is a show stopper and an immediate break in the relationship. Of course after that the alt invariably shows up.

Just tell the truth from the beginning.

The Domme Teaser

As I was chatting with a friend at Secret House the other day, I was checking profiles as usual. I saw someone that I have seen many times before in there and read her profile. Not much had changed.

I had met her before and she turned out to be a very needy Mistress chasing sub but her profile has all the perfect words to get one to IM her. For example: My future Owner will tell me what I seek and what I can and can’t do. I enjoy non-consent, control, aggressive strict owner, TPE, long term only.

You get the idea. The thing is that I know at least six other Dommes that have tried with her and it is always the same thing. Top from the bottom, needy, never about TPE, always about her controlling what she wants etc … Once again, nothing new here.

But here is what is new, the more we talked about her, the more we started to come up with other names of very similar behaviors in other avs. We didn’t thing it was just one person with alts, but for us a new type of behavior. We called it the Domme teaser.

We figured this type of sub is just out there to tease Dommes and get her laughs along the way. Over promising and under delivering on purpose while getting her thrills this way.

Have you seen this pattern out there? Drop me a comment.