I was sitting around with my Domme friends and the subject of bondage came up. I was really surprised how many different ideas of bondage and bondage safety existed among my group. Most of us are very experienced in SL so I jumped in here to get my thoughts published.
Let’s start with a working definition of bondage. To me it is any type of restraint that limits someone’s movement.
I know that definition is very broad, but if you think about it, bondage is all about limiting physical movement using some kind of restraint method (e.g., rope, chain, rubber, latex, gags etc …).
Is it a kink or a fetish? You can visit my previous post on what makes them different but in this case, bondage can be both. Some subs want bondage to be the only thing that will satisfy them sexually, while others see is as part of pleasing the Domme and view it as a kink that they like.
One of the wonderful things about SL is that just about every type of bondage can be found and practiced. Shibaru (Japanese bondage) is very common, as well as Western, and Fusion (east meets west).
I believe the ease of experiencing bondage in SL leads to a false sense of reality in Real Life for the subs.
In RL the most difficult part of bondage is learning how to do it safely. One must learn how to “rig” a person properly and practice it. Many cases of improper applications of bondage have resulted in RL injuries (dislocated bones being the most common), long term damage (breast tying being one of the most done incorrectly), and in some cases death (gagging a person and then having them lay down or be upside down without proper monitoring).
You would think that in SL you can have the experience without worrying about safety, but in some cases SL just makes it worse because some subs at the other end try self-bondage and that can be tragic.
I remember a sub that I had and I asked her to wear a collar in RL and asked her to get a six foot silk piece that she would use as the leash to tie herself to the computer desk. This enhances the experience, but one day she said that she was losing her breath and I asked why and she said she had been pulling on the leash as tight as she could every time I did it in SL. Whoa !!
I told her to immediately take the collar and leash off and had to give her a lecture about doing things that I wasn’t telling her to do. I’ve also experience similar things like this during bondage as the sub starts to self-bondage.
So what are we to do?
First, understand that when playing in SL at the other end the person is real and may do things that she believes will please you (it is certainly pleasing her), as you play scenes in SL.
Second, ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOU CHECK THAT THE SUB IS NOT USING SELF-BONDAGE OR DOING ANYTHING WITHOUT YOUR DIRECTION.
Some people may read this and laugh thinking it is not possible, but I think that anyone that has been in SL a meaningful amount of time can recognize that the feelings are real and can be as powerful (or sometimes more) than the feelings and actions in RL.
Please be careful and always be safe