Since I referenced the topic of topping from the bottom in a previous post, some people have asked me to elaborate further so here is an explanation for it.
In a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship, the Dominant is the one in control of the situation throughout. A true submissive will get enjoyment, pleasure, arousal, and surprises as the Dominant gives commands that have to be obeyed or the submissive is subjected to physical or mental (consensually for both) tasks and activities.
Here is the main point:
At no point the submissive is there to contradict, ignore, negotiate, refuse, or pull away unless it is a violation of a hard limit and a safe word (and yes you should have safe words in Second Life) is used.
Very simple right? If the person at the other end is a true submissive and you have a contract/agreement in place concerning hard limits, soft limits, and safe words, then the submissive is to proceed as indicated.
Here is the tricky part of this, someone that is going to top from the bottom or is not a true submissive will probably will not agree to a contract that is so restrictive so they will try to have a laundry list of things that they will not do leaving you with the things they prefer rather than the things you want to do. Since you are not meeting them in person is hard to tell what is in their heart, but it is the first step to topping from the bottom in the relationship.
Why would anyone do this? Here are some possible reasons:
- The Dominant is weak, untrained, or not a Dominant at all (just playing one in SL), and the sub is trying to move the meeting along giving her clues of what to do.
- The sub is really a Dominant trying to turn weak Dominants into subs (some AVs take pride on this). You already know my opinion on switches (see previous post on the subject).
- The sub is trying to steer the Dominant into the things she likes, instead of what the Dominant wants to do. This is the most common reason.
How can one detect this inside SL?
The main thing before doing the contract and establishing the relationship is to have a period where you get to know each other. This implies that you have two people that are not playing a video game but have identified themselves as Dominant and submissive.
During this trial period, you put the submissive through several activities and watch how they interact with you. You must be able to recognize when the submissive is trying to top from the bottom.
Here is an example:
Back story of this scenario (this happened in SL): Day five of their trial period, some rules have been established and the submissive in several occasions has stated things like: “I like to serve and be deeply controlled”; “I need a strict and severe Mistress”; “I like to be naked on a leash”; and “I want to be used as a sexual toy.” I don’t see any ambiguity there specially since the Mistress clarified the meaning of each statement along the way. RLV folders have not been established.
So about an hour into this interaction, the submissive is leashed and on her knees and the following dialog takes place:
Mistress: undress for me
sub: you … you’re serious Miss?
Mistress: very serious
sub: why don’t you use the RLV? (topping from the bottom very directly here, she enjoys RLV or thinks the Mistress doesn’t know what she is doing)
Mistress: do as you are told without questions
sub: reluctantly starts to remove her dress
After doing several non-sexual things with the submissive here comes another example:
Mistress: put your clothes back on
sub: are you kidding me? you don’t want me anymore?
Mistress: looking sternly at ….. “GET YOUR CLOTHES ON IMMEDIATELY”
sub: dresses reluctantly
A few minutes later as they are discussing the contract they are working on at the moment, and the sub is on her knees and leashed as before:
sub: may this girl undress for you again?
sub: but why not?
Mistress: Do you know what it means to top from the bottom? …….
You can imagine the rest but at the end this Mistress rejected the sub. It is obvious in several places that the sub is trying to steer the Mistress into doing what the sub wants to do.
This is just an easy example, but always think how this enters into your dialogue so easily.