Words in SL

So I heard a Mistress said the following last night. “In Second Life words are worth 1,000 pictures.”

I didn’t talk to her about this after I heard it in open chat, but she is 100% correct.

Second Life is so visual, that the user’s eyes and mind are served an entire plate of goodies to digest and enjoy. Second Life even creates automatic text (think Xcite, or other products) that tell you what you are feeling or saying (albeit the grammar and gender use may be totally wrong).

After we get over the initial excitement of seeing our avatars engaged in all kinds of positions and situations without having to bend our real bodies to do them, everyone starts to get that empty feeling and you start seeing statements like this in profiles: “not a pose ball chaser”; “emoter with more than one sentence”; etc…

Some people are turned off by this and criticize others as arrogant, and other similar terms.

I tend to agree with the fact that we must use words, and rely less in visuals, pose balls, automatic emoters, and such. It is a visual world yes, but is not a silent film where we are fed the dialog.

The big debate then becomes, do you emote? or do you Role Play (RP)?

My answer? It doesn’t matter if the two people doing it agree and enjoy doing it in the way they agree. Two months ago I met a most visually lovely, and very intelligent person. Very submissive and probably a wonderful long term companion. Our only problem? She was only into RPing. Even though we talked for about an hour at the end she basically said “Great Miss, let’s get started. Do you want me to meet you at a bar and you can pick me up?”

Definitely not compatible with the way I use words in SL, but I bet she can be very descriptive and enhance any meeting with her words. Too bad we didn’t click.

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Topping from the Bottom

Since I referenced the topic of topping from the bottom in a previous post, some people have asked me to elaborate further so here is an explanation for it.

In a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship, the Dominant is the one in control of the situation throughout. A true submissive will get enjoyment, pleasure, arousal, and surprises as the Dominant gives commands that have to be obeyed or the submissive is subjected to physical or mental (consensually for both) tasks and activities.

Here is the main point:

At no point the submissive is there to contradict, ignore, negotiate, refuse, or pull away unless it is a violation of a hard limit and a safe word (and yes you should have safe words in Second Life) is used.

Very simple right? If the person at the other end is a true submissive and you have a contract/agreement in place concerning hard limits, soft limits, and safe words, then the submissive is to proceed as indicated.

Here is the tricky part of this, someone that is going to top from the bottom or is not a true submissive will probably will not agree to a contract that is so restrictive so they will try to have a laundry list of things that they will not do leaving you with the things they prefer rather than the things you want to do. Since you are not meeting them in person is hard to tell what is in their heart, but it is the first step to topping from the bottom in the relationship.

Why would anyone do this? Here are some possible reasons:

  1. The Dominant is weak, untrained, or not a Dominant at all (just playing one in SL), and the sub is trying to move the meeting along giving her clues of what to do.
  2. The sub is really a Dominant trying to turn weak Dominants into subs (some AVs take pride on this). You already know my opinion on switches (see previous post on the subject).
  3. The sub is trying to steer the Dominant into the things she likes, instead of what the Dominant wants to do. This is the most common reason.

How can one detect this inside SL?

The main thing before doing the contract and establishing the relationship is to have a period where you get to know each other. This implies that you have two people that are not playing a video game but have identified themselves as Dominant and submissive.

During this trial period, you put the submissive through several activities and watch how they interact with you. You must be able to recognize when the submissive is trying to top from the bottom.

Here is an example:

Back story of this scenario (this happened in SL): Day five of their trial period, some rules have been established and the submissive in several occasions has stated things like: “I like to serve and be deeply controlled”; “I need a strict and severe Mistress”; “I like to be naked on a leash”; and “I want to be used as a sexual toy.” I don’t see any ambiguity there specially since the Mistress clarified the meaning of each statement along the way. RLV folders have not been established.

So about an hour into this interaction, the submissive is leashed and on her knees and the following dialog takes place:

Mistress: undress for me

sub: you … you’re serious Miss?

Mistress: very serious

sub: why don’t you use the RLV? (topping from the bottom very directly here, she enjoys RLV or thinks the Mistress doesn’t know what she is doing)

Mistress: do as you are told without questions

sub: reluctantly starts to remove her dress

After doing several non-sexual things with the submissive here comes another example:

Mistress: put your clothes back on

sub: are you kidding me? you don’t want me anymore?

Mistress: looking sternly at ….. “GET YOUR CLOTHES ON IMMEDIATELY”

sub: dresses reluctantly

A few minutes later as they are discussing the contract they are working on at the moment, and the sub is on her knees and leashed as before:

sub: may this girl undress for you again?

Mistress: No

sub: but why not?

Mistress: Do you know what it means to top from the bottom? …….

You can imagine the rest but at the end this Mistress rejected the sub. It is obvious in several places that the sub is trying to steer the Mistress into doing what the sub wants to do.

This is just an easy example, but always think how this enters into your dialogue so easily.

 

 

Closeness and Response Time

I may have to file this under topping from the bottom (another subject to deal with), but subs please don’t approach any Mistress within one inch of her face two seconds after you IM her from across the room.

You would never do that to a person in RL. If they smile at you from the distance, would you immediately go over there and stand right in front of their face? I’m guessing that the intent here is to get the Mistress’ attention and possibly claiming your territory so other subs will think the Mistress is now busy with you (clever technique by the way).

Most Mistresses will be turned off by this and you will end up walking away with your tail between your legs. Don’t overplay your hand.

Along these same lines is the sub that requires an answer one second after they finish typing an IM to a Mistress (e.g., Mistress are you there? are you busy? you don’t want to see me anymore?). Possibly all three if you keep doing that.

You should give her some time to respond, very silly of you to think that you are the only IM she has at the moment. Of course you may have worked that by standing next to her way too close after a very short meeting.

Bottom line, yet another two-ways to walk away alone for the night or for long-term.