How to Spot a Good Domme (Part 2)

The post that follows is part 2 of a post that is making the Internet rounds under the title “How to Spot a Good Dominant” by author unknown. It is about spotting a male Dominant. I have edited the post and added some elements to make it pertain to women and Second Life instead. If I ever find the author of the original one, I will notify her/him. Here it goes:

How to spot a good Domme

– A Domme will be very cautious in selecting you because she knows you have great desires, hopes, and dreams, and it is she that has to live up to them. Above all things she will wish to be good for you. She attempts to choose wisely but may at first make many mistakes in her choices as she finds her way.

– A Domme will make mistakes and have no fear admitting them. The Domme knows that she is not All Knowing, for she is human. A Domme who believes she never makes mistakes or does not admit to them with good cheer is most likely not a Domme.

– A Domme will not beg for anything from you. She will simply wait till you’re dying to send her your naughty pictures unsolicited and accept them with lady like composure.

– A Domme will never lie about being married or already having a girlfriend. If she’s married to vanilla, she’ll simply say so. If she’s dating vanilla, she’ll break up with her before venturing in with another (less she’s doing a poly thing and brings her along, or in an open relationship). The Domme is straightforward, will wish to be plain about her true desires and needs, and if she is attached, will be forthcoming with that information.

– A Domme won’t lie about much, though she surely will keep some of her thoughts from you. A Dom who feels swallowing golden showers to be right up your alley may well know telling you straight out might have you running for cover. This is not in itself lying, she’s just taking the appropriate steps first and at the speed she thinks you can absorb them (she may well discard such thoughts as she gets to know you). The lying ‘domme’ will have an agenda that has no bearing on your needs. The real Domme wants no part of someone for whom she cannot be good. A woman who attempts to get with a woman she cannot handle or vice versa is desperate.

– A Domme will not be heavy handed in her approach. She will be skilled at drawing you in, opening you up, making you feel at ease or on edge (depending on her tastes). Her efforts will seem effortless; even aloof at times. She will grow on you. Capture you. Enlighten you and make things seem clear that may have been once blurry. You will feel better about yourself when communicating with her (even if your desire is to live in debasement!). Only an impostor will try to tear you down in order to raise herself to higher ground. The dominate gets off by watching you soar, not fall.

In essence, taking on a submissive is both invigorating and empowering yet also a humbling experience. She may err constantly, particularly if she is new. Yet she will always, always strive to be better, and though longs and seeks challenge, she will avoid that which she knows she cannot handle, or will in some near future be unable to handle. It may take time but she will understand her own limits as well as her submissive’s.

A submissive is a truckload of challenge (ask their ex-vanilla lovers), and so the Domme needs you like she needs air. She wants your worship not simply for worship sake but because she has gone beyond the call of the norm, ventured into the realm of risk, and passing across the dangerous abyss where footing is treacherous, hopefully breaks into the sunshine of success offering you something glorious. THAT alone is why she seeks your worship; because she has earned it and deserves it.

If a woman does not seek risk and challenge in her life, if she wishes worship without venturing her ego, if she does not persist continually toward excellence in handling a woman as she does in many things, she is not a Domme.

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How to Spot a Good Domme (Part I)

The post that follows is making the Internet rounds under the title “How to Spot a Good Dominant” by author unknown. It is about spotting a male Dominant. I have edited the post and added some elements to make it pertain to women and Second Life instead. If I ever find the author of the original one, I will notify her/him. Here it goes:

How to spot a good Domme!

– A Domme will not start off by with, ‘Bow down on your knees upon receipt of my instant message!’ There seems to be many complaints from women about this kind of ploy as first introduction, and this is reason alone to ‘block n’ move on.’ (I would advise anyone to use this tactic often and liberally rather than engage in arguments, or (if you are submissive), obligated in some way to engage with them …life is too short.). Ignore the Insta-Domme.

– A Domme will not seem ‘desperate’ for your attention. Finding a submissive or finding someone to have sex with is not her problem; she can find women on many SIMs, at dances, or in a shopping SIM. She knows women, and women are drawn to her. Lesbian women, kink or vanilla, prefer a woman who is take-charge both in the bedroom and in life. If a ‘Domme’ becomes frantic, anxious, or despairing because you don’t IM her back every other hour, chances are she has a hard time with being submissive. The good news is desperation is easy to spot.

– A Domme most often will be successful, a maverick, or at least happy in her chosen role in SL and in life. If she has had some bad luck in his past, it will be fleeting, for she will strive relentlessly to place her universe back into the order mandatory for her existence. If the Domme languishes in a poorly made avatar, doesn’t seem to have the means to set-up a home or get some land, hates everything about SL and has a million qualifiers in her profile about who should talk to her, then, most likely, her dominance is merely a cover-up to appease her lack of success and her self-esteem. Though she may not be a millionaire in SL, look for the woman who is happy, confident, unique, and/or successful in her chosen endeavors in SL.

– A Domme will be very interested in you, and not just your sexual needs (though they will certainly get her attention). She will see you as a puzzle, and desire to make sense of that puzzle. The Domme  loves challenge and that in essence is why so many submissives find disillusion in the vanilla world; most women do not seek challenge in sensuality, they fear it. Submissive women are the most challenging of lovers for they have great fantasy. Their fantasies often require a woman to move far outside normal gestures and that requires both skill and creativity.

– A Domme is likely to be damn good in creating a D/s scene in SL. Most women have their hands full with straight-up vanilla sex. The Domme has either mastered or has no interest in such elementary play, at least not all the time. Making a woman orgasm many times has left her bereft of sport, so she now seeks a woman who will challenge her on other levels. The Domme is going to have a good understanding of the female anatomy, a good use of the language that both people use in SL, and will persist in finding the keys to your body and mind. She certainly will be advanced in the sexuality that can be created in SL

– A Domme may have all the accoutrement of kink (the whips, chains, the castle), but she will not need them to be Domme. A whisper, a word, an emote, a swagger, a well-placed paragraph, and the deftly use of the visual tools of SL (pose balls, equipment, etc…) are the essence of her talent. Confidence is her weapon of choice, not bragging about her dungeon. Those who tout their toys too highly might well be lacking in other departments.