For the past few weeks I have been IMng with a very cute and interesting sub I met at the Lesbian Society. My interest in her was increasing over time, as we seemed to have the right connection. As we chatted it was obvious that she was feeling the same way and was becoming more and more submissive and pliable as time went by.
Then … (as it happens in SL), my RL got a bit hectic and didn’t come to SL as often as I was doing before. As a good communicator I told my prospective sub that I would be off SL for some days, and even went as far as to tell her exactly what days I wouldn’t be on because of RL commitments.
To my surprise (but maybe not since I have seen it before with others) after being gone for two days, I arrived to a string of emails, that went from “I miss you,” to “What can I do to be your perfect sub,” to “I guess you don’t care about me anymore.”
Like I wrote above, I have seen this before and of course it is a big turn off specially after I thought that I had communicated clearly.
But that is not what this post is all about. I had to give this background information to get to my point.
What I realized – for the first time -, is that her level of commitment to being a sub is so intense that has become obsessive in her life. Now, it could be the addictive aspects of SL, it could be infatuation, or many other things, but her level of engagement is a lot different than mine.
For her being owned and having a Mistress is an obsession, while for me selecting a sub is a long-term process that requires patience, and being able to juggle RL commitments while getting there.
Her obsession doesn’t match my interests at that time. Therefore the relationship is doomed to fail from the start.
In the past I have dismissed this as the person being too needy and immature, but now I know it doesn’t have to be just that. It is also caused by an obsession within that person that is being driven by the same feelings that make her such a good submissive.
The question then becomes, can I change her obsession in the short term so we can have a better relation in the long term.
After I realized this, I did IMng her and expressed my thoughts about her being obsessed, and needing to change her perspective so this wouldn’t jeopardize the long term of the relationship. Her answer was “since you were not here for two days and are not clear about your intentions with me, I have found another Mistress. I am blocking you forever.”
Ok, perhaps she is immature, but perhaps she is being driven by her obsession and not able to think clearly. Will she be the same in SL three years from now?
I can only reference my first few years in SL with my closest friends. Looking back I was a bit obsessed with my life in SL. Couldn’t wait to get on, would spend full nights at the computer, had the app on my phone, constantly checking and logging in, and I am sure I didn’t have much patience with people that were not around often enough. I made five great friends from those early years, we were all doing the same things together. Today, I barely see them as they have become more selective about their time in SL just like I have. Our friendships are still strong and steady.
That is were I want to get with a sub in SL.