Final part – The routine
What kinds of rules and limits are appropriate?
The kinds of rules and limits you set for your slavegirl depend on your wishes and insight as to what you feel is best for her, taking into great consideration her goals for herself. I would suggest that in the beginning, the fewer rules you have for her the better. This way she can be very clear on what is expected of her and it will make it easier for you to enforce them. Sit down with her and discuss the rules you feel she needs. I think you’ll find she knows exactly what they are and will welcome your help in “assisting” her to accomplish them.
This will help out during the initial stages of SL domination as many get overwhelmed by all the rules and requests and just poof away.
If you have the right objects in your hours, household chores are a good starting point. Cooking for you, doing the laundry, ironing (plenty of animations out there that are very realistic). Remember, she will need to test you very much at first and only when she feels sure she’ll be disciplined for not doing them will she be able to get them done knowing she has no choice about it — which will be a tremendous relief to her.
Spankings and Discipline
It is very thrilling for your sub to know she is subject to your discipline. She wants rules and limits set for her and knows that there will be consequences for not obeying them. If there are no consequence then she cannot feel the control that she longs for. Accepting a spanking where the focus is on correcting her behavior rather than for her own pleasure is proof of her submission to you. It makes your control of her very real. There is a big distinction between a spanking given for the pure enjoyment of it and one given as punishment. Though many pleasure spankings are given under the guise of a punishment for misbehaving, it’s clear that the focus is on its eroticism and the “punishment” aspect is just a pretense.
Some submissive women would never want a spanking they thought was given as a punishment. For them, it is a completely pleasurable experience and they don’t want them to be associated with a punishment” in any form.
However, there are some submissive women who *love* to be spanked as a punishment and there are several reasons for this. We all grew up knowing that spankings were given as a punishment and though now as adults we find them pleasurable, the connection between spankings and punishment still remains and can be a very hot erotic trigger for the sub. If she started having spanking fantasies at a young age when having your bottom paddled and being punished are one in the same, they will often revolve around the idea of being punished for some reason, whether real or imagined.
Due to societies generally negative view of d/s and s/m, many women who crave a spanking or whipping often have great conflicts about it, wondering how they could possibly be so “strange” or “weird”. It is often not an easy admission to make, so it’s much easier to rationalize the desire for a spanking by connecting it to a wrong doing in order to “earn” a spanking rather than having the freedom to simply ask their lover for one.
The Desire to be Perfect
There is a tendency in some submissive women to be “perfect”. Though this can be an admirable goal, it can often be taken to extremes and that’s something to be aware of. I am now talking about the desire to strive to improve, to make an effort to do the best job possible, and as we know, that takes a great deal of energy. Here is a quote that illustrates this point: “I started thinking about why punishment appealed to me and I wasn’t sure if it was just another way to test limits… or the thought of the luxury of having something to “make” me do the things I really want to do anyway… but, instead, I allow life (work, fatigue) get in the way. “I have very high expectations for myself… I am lucky in the fact that I am intelligent and beautiful… but I think given these “gifts” that they should be utilized to the fullest extent…”
A submissive woman like this wants to be “pushed” into making a greater effort with herself. She knows what she is capable of achieving and wants help in making it a reality. To me, this is one of the most positive aspects of spankings treated as a punishment. As her Mistress, your responsibility is to take care of her and to see she does what is best for her. You need to work with her to be sure her rules and limits are for her own benefit and help her to meet her own personal goals. If structured this way, the focus of the spanking is not because she was “bad”, but rather she is being spanked to help her improve herself. In this way, your discipline of her is another way you can show her you love and care.
Punishment as a way of Absolution and Forgiveness
Another aspect of being “punished” is that it allows her to let go of any self-imposed “guilt” over her behavior. This is especially important for those women who strive to be perfect and have the tendency to be self-critical. This can be compounded if she was raised in an environment where past mistakes were never forgotten but were continually brought to her attention. When she is punished, she can face her mistake, accept her punishment as a motivation to improve (not for being “bad”), be completely forgiven and then to happily move on.
Some Cautions over Punishment Spankings
Since a punishment spanking is going to be harder for her to endure than one given for pleasure, you want to be sure she is in the right mental head space for taking one. In other words, she must feel the spanking is deserved, so my advice here is never punish her for something left unclear. Make your rules very clear and specific so she knows *exactly* when she is breaking them. If it helps, set time deadlines so she can’t claim she was “just going to do it.” Another caution here about being consistent. If you punished her one week for breaking a rule and let the same infraction go the next, you are giving her very mixed and confusing signals which will make it difficult for her to take your control seriously, and this will have very negative consequences to both your roles. She will need to test you until she feels secure you are going to follow through so *be consistent* — this is extremely important.
Preparing her for Punishment
A punishment spanking is often more filled with ritual than most any other scene and draws very much on her anticipation of an event that she knows will be a test and challenge to her. Sending to her room to await you should excite her greatly even though she knows the spanking may not be that enjoyable. Making *her* fetch the implement used in her correction is an added erotic embarrassment. You may want to have her strip in advance and sit on the device to reflect upon her infraction and what steps she is going to take in the future to avoid a similar lapse. If you want to see just how exciting the anticipation of a punishment can be, have her wait at least 10 minutes before you sit with her for the punishment. In the mean time you can be talking to her telling her what is coming.
You may want to lecture her on her behavior, emphasizing *exactly* what she did to earn this correction, and during the spanking itself, pause several times and give her the chance to promise better behavior in the future. This is important as it keep the emphasis on the punishment as motivation to improve her behavior and not because she was “bad” or displeased you for not getting it done.
As further confirmation of your roles, after the spanking she should thank you for taking the time and effort to discipline her, and then it’s up to you if you want to ravish her or send her to the corner! The point I’m making here is that even though this is “punishment” there’s no reason it can’t end in pleasure for her. After all, she has been “punished” and all is forgiven.
One wonderful aspect of D/s in SL is that it lets you explore so many emotions in safety. When done with love and care, embarrassing your slavegirl can be an extremely intense experience for her and one that will make her feel very controlled. When you give her an embarrassing task and she obeys, it is a way you can both feel the strength of your respective roles. Her obedience in being embarrassed proves to you both that she is your slavegirl and will do whatever you ask of her. As her Mistress, you want to think of as many ways as possible to demonstrate this and you will feel that your control of her is as complete as possible. Many ideas for increasing the depths of her submission utilize embarrassment in one form or another. If this is going to be public, then it needs to be in the a proper D/s area in SL and not where others that are not sensitive to what is happening are present. Be creative and you will find many ways she can be thoroughly embarrassed in front of others while being the only one that knows the real reason she is acting as she is.
Another way you can constantly remind her that she is under your control is by having her ask your permission. The more of her own independent action is restricted, the more her submission will increase. One example that emphasizes this as well as serving as a subtle embarrassment is to have her ask your permission to visit the bathroom. This touches upon the idea of her losing certain personal privacies which can increase the intimate bond between you both. If you sense that she has gone on her own (lack of communication), leave her an IM chastising her for it and log-off yourself.
Everywhere you go in SL you make every decision for her. Don’t ask her if it is ok, just do it. This will not only increase her submission to you, but also relieves her of having to make a decision for herself.
It’s very common not to allow a sub to climax without first being given permission. She is “allowed” pleasure only upon your command which will emphasize your control over her. It also increases the anticipation of finally being given permission which can hold her on the edge of a climax for an extended period which will build its intensity.
Not only may she not climax without permission, but she may not even be allowed to touch herself without permission. By setting this rule for her, you are making her admit her desire to touch herself by asking for your permission which is also a way for you to know how excited she has become by your commands.
Pulling her Hair
One very *hot* erotic trigger for many subs is having their hair pulled. Not in a hurtful way, but as a very sensual experience. For many women, this can be an extremely powerful turn on and you may be surprised by her reaction. This will have to be emoted very well to be a trigger.
Treating her as a Cherished Pet
Many submissive women love being treated as a pet. We all know how much love and attention our pets receive and it should be thrillingly embarrassing and sweet — not at all degrading. Pet’s are often kept on a collar and leash too, aren’t they? Try this on a special evening together. Have her undress and kneel before you. Tell her she is to be your pet for the evening and lovingly place her collar upon her and attach her leash to it. Tell her she is to be your sweet little kitty and is not allowed to speak unless given permission. Instead, she must meow and purr to you.
One very erotic idea is to have her purr and meow for you as you caress her. Perhaps, if your loved pet is in “heat”, have her rub her little pussy against your leg as a way of begging for more attention. Be sure to bring her to a climax while allowing only mews of pleasure…
It is an incredible feeling to have a woman you love and who loves you napping at your feet while you hold her leash in your hand. Make a little nest of pillows and blankets in a corner and make that her special place. As a pet, she is not allowed to stand or to use the furniture. Perhaps you’ll put out a little saucer of milk for her to lap…
A theme such as this gets very much into role-play which can be a wonderful escape from the stress of your lives. It is a unique time when you can forget about being adults and return to the innocent and creative play of children.
Thank you all for reading
I appreciate all the comments and messages that I have received during these posts and I hope that they have helped in some way to make your D/s life a little better.
See you in SL somewhere. Who knows, I may be writing about you soon.
I don’t know if you’ll see this because of how old the post is. I want to thank you for this blog.
I’ve been trying to find my place in SL and IRL (again), and this blog has really made me challenge some very obvious misconceptions I’ve had.
Hope our paths cross on the grid some day, and if you don’t visit SL any more I hope your life is happy and amazing.
Thanks for the comment. I’m going to start blogging again so hopefully you can still read it.