Part 4 – Pleasing and Controlling
She wants to please
If there is one single-most favorite phrase a submissive woman wants to hear, it is “Good Girl”. She wants and needs to have her efforts to please you acknowledged. Some new Mistresses fail to understand that a sub pleasing her Mistress is one of the greatest pleasures in her life. It is an emotional fulfillment so deep that it goes far beyond any sexual expression. By giving her your praise as frequently as possible you are confirming that you recognize and appreciate her for who she is and for the love she has to give you.
Controlling is a must
You must take the initiative with her. If she has to “ask” you to control her, it once again puts her in charge and does not allow her to feel submissive. As a Mistress, you get to indulge yourself in what *you* want! Give yourself permission to act on your whim of the moment. Believe me, to a sub, this is when it all becomes very real and meaningful to her. There will be no doubt in her mind that you want her for *yourself* and whether or not she enjoys it is secondary. Only in this way can she feel that she truly belongs to you and is there to serve you. If you are going to experiment in taking charge, err on the side of being more controlling than less. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve heard complain that their Mistress doesn’t give them the control and supervision they crave. Remember, your control is a demonstration of taking care of her and your discipline is proof that you are paying attention and will insist she does what is best for herself.
How to make her feel Owned
The feeling of being owned is one of the most secure and desired feelings a sub can have. She wants to be reminded at all times that you are in control of her and that she is safe and watched over under your command. She *wants* you to be strong for her, so she can grow under your care and guidance. Think for a moment of the potential your relationship with a woman who loves and trusts you so much that she wants to be *owned* by you… What closer bond can you have?
There are many ways to make her feel that she belongs to you and I will share with you some of my favorites. Ask her often, “Who do you belong to?” Not only does this strengthen the depth of your relationship but many women have told me it is very erotic for them to be told to touch and name different parts of their body and then tell you it belongs to you.
Here’s a quote that will make this clearer: “Personally I *love* it when various parts of my anatomy are called upon. For example, during a spanking, I like to be reminded that this is Mistress’ bottom and she can do as he wishes with it.”
How you address each other can also be confirmation of your roles. For example, calling her by a pet name can indicate your position of authority while requiring her refer to you with some title of respect such as Miss or Mistress further emphasizes her submission. Being “owned” is a total experience. It means she is subject to your whims at any time and no reason is necessary beyond the fact it is something you want. For her, there is great excitement and anticipation in being used for your pleasure and never knowing what your next command or task may be. She may be fully clothed and busy one moment and naked and kneeling before you the next….
Does this require a complex set of equipment and gadgets in SL? It does not. A simple collar is sufficient to create control and if I had one piece of equipment that I had to have it would be a Dutchie Femdom chair (the new version 2.0). As you grow in your relationship then other equipment can be brought into play.
One area which I feel strongly about is the use of #RLV folders. If you use them then you can force her to change her appearance to something you want without waiting for her to change. This type of control plays very big in her mind as no choice is available to her in terms of clothing. Of course one of the folders needs to be a nude folder.