Part 3 – What is happening when someone submits?
All pretenses are stripped away
When the relationship starts, and the submissive offers herself to you then you will experience that the person will be free to be who they really are inside. The little secrets that she carries inside her about her true desires start to come out. This sometimes comes out as an explosion of feelings and expressions when she becomes convinced that you care about her even though she carries these secrets, she becomes her true self.
It is normally a balance between two lives
Submission allows her to escape from herself and her every day life. During the day different aspects of our personality come into the forefront as we move from one role to another. For example, there may be a big difference in one’s personality at work as compared to home. Keeping up these roles requires a large amount of psychic energy which over time can become exhausted.
At work, your sub may be very powerful and dominant and carrying a great deal of responsibility. Being a mother at home is tremendously demanding and requires a great deal of energy in caring for and supervising the children. If she has spent her day instructing and inspecting others, she may crave the transition from that position of authority to one of servitude. When she can become your sub, she gets a relaxing respite from the stresses of her life. She can renew herself by once again becoming a little girl who is loved and looked after. Instead of having to cope with the stress of making decisions she can surrender to you and do exactly as she is told knowing she is safe in your care. It then becomes a balancing of energy by experiencing the opposite role.
As her Mistress, you will do everything in your power to enable your sub to be who she really is, and is normally a woman full of love and sensuality and passion and who wants nothing more than to be free and safe enough to show you the full extent of it.
If she submits, then you must take charge
One thing of PARAMOUNT importance is that your sub feels that she is truly being controlled and is acting on *your* commands, and is subject to *your* whims. If she feels your actions are for her alone, she will feel in control of the situation and this is exactly what she does NOT want to feel. In order for her to be submissive, YOU must be in charge of her in a very real and definite way. Here is where the difference between role playing in SL and actual control and feelings is critical.
It is very confusing for her if your control is just within the context of a scene and does not carry over into the rest of your relationship. It will help if you think of your control as being an integral part of your relationship rather than an “imposition” on her. The more you see her enthusiasm and gratitude in response to your actions, the easier it will become for you.
Never forget that her desire to please her Mistress is an essential element of her submission. Though you both know she loves to have the experiences you are giving her, she MUST feel that it’s for your pleasure equally, if not more than her own. Being submissive is her gift to you, a way of pleasing you as completely as possible. If she thinks your control of her is only for *her*, it just doesn’t work. She wants to be yours, to feel she has no choice in what she is subjected to and this REALITY regarding her submission is tremendously thrilling for her.
To this end, you MUST keep a home in SL. Drifting around clubs, dungeons, public places to live your relationship cheapens it and your sub doesn’t have any stability in terms of serving you as it all becomes a public display or just one scene after another with no sense of relationship. This may work for a while but believe me when I say that is gnawing at your subs mind every day.